The end of this month will mark 6 months living in Spain. My mom visited last week and it really lifted my spirits, but now she is back home and I have to admit I am sad. I have watched a handful of people very close to my heart leave Leon and continue with their lives at home and while I am very happy for them it stings to think that they will probably never again be as big of a part of my life here as in the past 6 months.
On Friday my favorite roommate moves out, leaving me and the very quiet (but kind) girl that arrived this month. The city is just not the same without the people. Walking by certain land marks in town brings up memories and feelings that I just don't want to feel right now. They say that it-s the people that make an experience, more than the place but what do you do when the people and the place are now separate concepts? What do you do when you can't seem to connect with anyone new because they don't have your past shared experience? What do you do when you leave in 31 days for a country you know even less about and a city where you have no friends? These are the questions plaguing me in these days.
Some say it;s the best to just 'disfrutar' the time that you have left, to not think about the future nor the past. Keeping busy with the moment would be easy if my thoughts didnt drift to all the what ifs, all the unsureness of the future and all the memories of the past (both happy and sad). I thought it was difficult when my American friends weren't returning after Christmas but these goodbyes have proven to be different, because while they go home, and fit back into a place where they have always belonged I stay here, with only their memories, only their messages written from far away places.
Speaking of far away places Spain doesn't seem so exotic anymore. It doesn't have that exciting romanticized feeling that it did for the first 6 months, maybe it's the novelty fading, or maybe it's because the people are leaving but I can't help but feel that for the first time this place of my dreams is just like any other old place. I go to school, I work, I have days where I don't do much of anything. However, there is one manner in which it still feels far away and foreign and that is when I am sad. 4000 miles is too far away to hug your dogs or talk to your parents in the kitchen. Maybe it's not the place of my dreams afterall.
We will see what the next month has in store. A few more goodbyes, a few more tears, but hopefully some fun times and some good thoughts that I can take with me as I say goodbye to this city which will always have a slice of my heart.
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